Official training for the Ragnar Relay begins next week. The Ragnar website gives a pretty good training schedule for 'one' to follow. Here's the deal though. I need to be running for 15 minutes at a time, three times a week. Now, I have been doing a lot of exercising, but I haven't been really doing much running. I'm afraid to. I weigh so much right now. I don't want to pull something in my knee, or twist my ankle, or strain something in my gut. I want to lose weight. I want to be fit and active.
I made a deal with myself that I would run (okay, it's really only a jog) in five minute intervals. I would do it three times during my walk. I would still be running the fifteen minutes, just not all at once yet. As I started out my first five minute interval I got pissed.
I'm pissed off that I'm not running the half marathon in the Get In Gear this year (I don't even know if I will be ready to run *anything* for that race.) I'm pissed that I gained forty fucking pounds! I'M MAD THAT I WAS SO MEAN AND BAD TO MY BODY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?! I'M PISSED OFF! I HATE NOT FEELING STRONG WHEN I RUN! I HATE LOOKING AT THE WATCH, HOPING MY FIVE MINUTES ARE UP SOON! I DON'T LIKE TRYING TO FIT IN SEVERAL WORKOUTS IN ONE DAY WITHOUT MY BODY SEIZING UP ON ME! I DON'T ENJOY LOOKING LIKE I AM SIX MONTHS PREGNANT! I know my strong body, who is hiding under this layer of fat, is in there. I want her back now.
The last of the five minute intervals was the hardest. I was tired. I was spent. I stopped running. I walked. Then a little voice started screaming in my ear. "Is this hard?" she said. "Yeah, it's fucking hard. It's a whole lot harder then sitting on the couch, surfing the internet all day, chatting to your friends. BUT...is it the hardest thing you have ever done?"
"NO, this is not the hardest thing I have ever done." I said back. And with tears down my face I picked up the pace and finished my last five minute run of the day.
It's Eclectic, Not Broke
If you ever come to my house, you will notice that my dishes don't match. It's not because I can't afford matching dishes. It's because I thought it would be cool to collect white, clear, and blue dishes that caught my eye. I had a vision of some Martha Stewart type table setting where everything doesn't quiet match, but looks great together. Yeah, it doesn't quite work AND I guess all of Martha's dishes match...
Bitching, Crying, Screaming, Cussing
This past week, I've screamed at the top of my lungs. I've said hurtful things. I've been sarcastic (above and beyond my normally acceptable sarcasm). I've sobbed loudly while holding tight to my husband. I've lost it in front of my children over and over again. I've laid in my bed - all alone, letting the tears silently stream down my face. What might be so awful, you might ask? TRAINING!
My mind has been liking the sloth/party like behavior I've been practicing over the last 10 months. It enjoys being medicated and clouded by too much food and drink. This mind of mine has made me feel like all the 'normal' things that have happened this week are major crises and that I 'need' a release of some sort. Just a drink or two....an extra helping of dinner...slightly more then the ounce of cheese I had allotted for my night time snack.
I should be clear, it's not my whole mind that enjoys this kind of medicated lifestyle. It's what my sister and another close friend like to call the Lizard Brain. Well, I must have made a break through by the end of the week because that little Lizard Brain inside me has been quiet. I didn't cave in. I held strong to my training guidelines. I kept what is important to me in front of me. The heroine inside me has won this week and I'm proud of all I've done.
My official weigh-in is Monday morning, so we'll see if the *Goddess of Good Numbers on the Scale* will be nice to me. But even if she isn't....I feel strong and I ended the week on a happy note.
My mind has been liking the sloth/party like behavior I've been practicing over the last 10 months. It enjoys being medicated and clouded by too much food and drink. This mind of mine has made me feel like all the 'normal' things that have happened this week are major crises and that I 'need' a release of some sort. Just a drink or two....an extra helping of dinner...slightly more then the ounce of cheese I had allotted for my night time snack.
I should be clear, it's not my whole mind that enjoys this kind of medicated lifestyle. It's what my sister and another close friend like to call the Lizard Brain. Well, I must have made a break through by the end of the week because that little Lizard Brain inside me has been quiet. I didn't cave in. I held strong to my training guidelines. I kept what is important to me in front of me. The heroine inside me has won this week and I'm proud of all I've done.
My official weigh-in is Monday morning, so we'll see if the *Goddess of Good Numbers on the Scale* will be nice to me. But even if she isn't....I feel strong and I ended the week on a happy note.
Mother Freakin' Training
I started 'Training' this week. Training includes lots of exercise, good/whole foods (but at a limited caloric intake), very very little alcohol, and limited caffeine. Why am I doing all this?
It's to run the Ragnar Relay:
Teams of 12 running along the world-famous Mississippi River as we rock out, enjoy the wacky participant costumes [note to self: add polish my tiara to my to-do list] , and make life-long friends with teammates and competitors. The party runs along the Great River Road starting in Winona, MN cutting into Wisconsin and ending in Minneapolis, MN.
And I think it sounds like a mother freaking kick ass thing to do!
It's to run the Ragnar Relay:
Teams of 12 running along the world-famous Mississippi River as we rock out, enjoy the wacky participant costumes [note to self: add polish my tiara to my to-do list] , and make life-long friends with teammates and competitors. The party runs along the Great River Road starting in Winona, MN cutting into Wisconsin and ending in Minneapolis, MN.
And I think it sounds like a mother freaking kick ass thing to do!
She Can Be Taught
Yes, it's true. I can learn a lesson or two. This week I am learning the lesson of taking care of myself when I get a cold. You see, last time I got a cold I didn't slow down. I didn't drink nice warm tea, or up my fruits, take my vitamins, or get extra rest. I just kept plowing through my day. I felt unstoppable. It was as though I had a huge sign on my chest announcing: "I will not be beat by some damn cold!" Slowly as the week wore on I ended up sicker and sicker. Finally the cold over took me. I ended up on the couch in the fetal position, crying like a baby because I was sick, I had too much to do, and mostly I just hate being sick. I was sick for a much longer time period then I needed to be.
Well, I got a cold this week and guess what? I'm taking it easy. I've had baths. I'm sipping warm tea. I'm getting extra rest. I've upped my fruit intake. I've asked for help getting my kids where they need to go and told them if I can't get them rides they will just be staying home for now. They've been okay with that. I've been okay with moving more slowly and taking it easier. I've been okay asking for help with meal prep and dishes. And while I am still fighting symptoms of a cold, mentally I am doing much better :)
Well, I got a cold this week and guess what? I'm taking it easy. I've had baths. I'm sipping warm tea. I'm getting extra rest. I've upped my fruit intake. I've asked for help getting my kids where they need to go and told them if I can't get them rides they will just be staying home for now. They've been okay with that. I've been okay with moving more slowly and taking it easier. I've been okay asking for help with meal prep and dishes. And while I am still fighting symptoms of a cold, mentally I am doing much better :)
